“Poets say science takes away from the beauty of the stars — mere globs of gas atoms. Nothing is “mere.” I too can see the stars on a desert night, and feel them. But do I see less or more? The vastness of the heavens stretches my imagination — stuck on this carousel my little eye can catch one-million-year-old light. A vast pattern — of which I am a part… What is the pattern or the meaning or the why? It does not do harm to the mystery to know a little more about it. For far more marvelous is the truth than any artists of the past imagined it. Why do the poets of the present not speak of it?”— Richard Feynman (via quotablescientists)
I am back to my sadness and I’m not entirely sure what caused it. There are a few glaring causes, one of which makes me even more passive aggressive and I think with just cause, but it’s not the whole picture.
I am miserable at work and the fact I sit at a desk all day and stare at a monitor does not help me. Last night though my family asked me what kind of whale was in a commercial for a movie, and I was able to rattle it right off. I actually remember a lot about the large whales, not so much dolphins and porpoises but whales, like grey whales, humpback, et cetera. Maybe marine biology was my calling after all. I’m going to start reading my whale books and see what happens.
I don’t know where my life is headed and it terrifies me. Sometimes I think if I up and move somewhere i’ll be better and it will force me to shed this cocoon I’ve been living in. Then again starting over is not one of my favorite things. I wish I could get a peak of what I’ll be doing in a year. See my destiny and then do everything I can to make it as wonderful as possible.
This is the thing: When you hit 28 or 30, everything begins to divide. You can see very clearly two kinds of people. On one side, people who have used their 20s to learn and grow, to find … themselves and their dreams, people who know what works and what doesn’t, who have pushed through to…
“I am Me. In all the world, there is no one else exactly like me. Everything that comes out of me is authentically mine, because I alone chose it — I own everything about me: my body, my feelings, my mouth, my voice, all my actions, whether they be to others or myself. I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears. I own my triumphs and successes, all my failures and mistakes. Because I own all of me, I can become intimately acquainted with me. By so doing, I can love me and be friendly with all my parts. I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other aspects that I do not know — but as long as I am friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously and hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles and ways to find out more about me. However I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically me. If later some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought, and felt turn out to be unfitting, I can discard that which is unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that which I discarded. I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do. I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive, and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me. I own me, and therefore, I can engineer me. I am me, and I am Okay.”—Virginia Satir (via atomos)
“Depression is the most unpleasant thing I have ever experienced. It is that absence of being able to envisage that you will ever be cheerful again. The absence of hope. That very deadened feeling, which is so very different from feeling sad. Sad hurts but it’s a healthy feeling. It’s a necessary thing to feel. Depression is very different.”—J. K. Rowling (via thedame)
It’s my brothers birthday today. I wish it wasn’t so crummy out, not like we do anything anyway. It would be nice to go out as a family. My dad has been on our case about taking a family vacation. As nice as it would be I don’t think it’s going to be workable. We all have different schedules and it’s not like I can take off a few days before. I need 2 months notice since my vacation days need to be approved and all that fun stuff.
I don’t know why I’m rambling to be quite honest. Just to vent I suppose. I like to type or write or talk about the way I feel and the things I am thinking. It makes me feel better when I do, even though people can use anything you say against you. Oh well.